# Schedule Recurring Calls With Your Far-Away Friends


I enjoy conversations, particularly with people I care about. I also have a
social circle which is rather geographically dispersed. This, of course,
presents the problem of “how do I stay in touch with people?” Facebook _et al._
haven’t solved this problem in a satisfactory way for me. Discord / private
group chats are fine, but don’t feel socially fulfilling in a way that 30
minutes of even infrequent talking often is.

One solution I stumbled into a few years ago was: **Set up recurring 1:1
meetings with distant friends.** Yes, like a work 1:1. Yes, with an actual
calendar invite with an actual Google Meet link.

This is something I firmly believe is worth spending
[weirdness points](https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/wkuDgmpxwbu2M2k3w/you-have-a-set-amount-of-weirdness-points-spend-them-wisely)
on with the right set of people.

---

**Why?**: Twofold. First: Staying in touch with people is easier than meeting
people, and friendships/relationships become more nuanced with rich shared
context over time. Maintaining older friendships is just obviously valuable.
Second: Talking to interesting people is just fun.

**On frequency:** I find this model works best somewhere in the
biweekly-to-bimonthly range. It’s probably better to meet too _infrequently_
than too frequently. This is perhaps unintuitive if the goal is maintaining
relationships, but I think it’s better to have a glut of topics to discuss than
a scarcity -- and as long as you’re meeting every 3 months or so, you won’t hit
“reconnection awkwardness” territory.

**On duration:** 30 minutes is a good baseline to start with. It’s short enough
that it’s not hard to schedule into an evening, or a weekend morning. It’s
enough time to catch up on life events from the past week(s) or month and to
talk through a few substantive topics, yet not too long like you feel like you
feel pressure to fill the time. Many of my chats are exactly 30 minutes like a
work meeting; some of them are more free-form, lasting for an hour or two
depending on the context.

**On scheduling, rescheduling, and following through:** Some people find it
easier (or possible/enjoyable/fun) to stick to strict schedules than others. As
a rule, I never get upset if someone needs to reschedule a chat or cancel last
minute. The schedule is just a forcing function for prompting some sort of
interaction -- even if that interaction ends up just being a quick exchange of
logistics and pleasantries.

**On what to talk about:** Normal rules for
“[having good conversations](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/157981748-supercommunicators)”
apply. Most of the time, the conversation can just be about “what has your life
been like recently?”, but also: be a good conversationalist. Just because it’s a
remote, structured talk doesn’t mean that it has to be a remote or stilted
conversation. Talk about philosophy, ethics, existential dread, your
cats/dogs/hamsters, books, annoyances, accomplishments, admonitions, advice,
burgeoning hobbies, travel plans, creative hobbies, etc.

---

I’m writing this post as a nudge in the direction of this being normalized. But
also so that the next time I ask someone to set one of these up, I have a handy
pointer to send. (Hey, future person! 👋)

_Cover: Girona, Spain_